![]() ![]() My guru husband tells me that in my frustration, I am instinctively reverting to learned behavior patterns. I then screamed, yelled expletives, and proceeded to sit down on a bench and cry.ĭo these seem like the behaviors of a yogi in control of their emotions, accepting the uncertainties of the universe with grace and equanimity? Not so much. I literally rage inside.Ī few weeks ago when one of the drivers of bus 17 left several minutes early yet again, I ran after it, waving my fist. Now when I am confronted with a situation I cannot control and that I find difficult to stomach the emotions that boil up inside of me tend to be the fighting kind. This is a step in the right direction, spiritually speaking however, it seems that the other crisis response has taken root. I rarely experience a complete nervous meltdown when a transit challenge arises. With time, I have become more accustomed to finding my way around. I would plan my transit route to the airport, only to find that an entire area where the bus to airport used to stop had been completely raised and was thus devoid of any bus transfers for the next six months. Since moving to Belgium, I began going into flight mode, panicking in each new situation that I had to figure out. When our system senses danger, it reverts to a fight or flight scenario. What I am finding is that even with all of the knowledge I have gained in my studies and practice, the work of creating and maintaining balance is a full-time job, which may have incredible long-term benefits but does not pay very well in the immediate present. I wrote a dissertation on the subject of personal balance (what I refer as “self-sustainability”) because I truly believe that global health, wellbeing, balance, sustainability, or whatever term you wish to use for the ability this planet to support the continued existence all beings and systems ad infinitum, depends upon and begins with each individual. I have been practicing learning how to create a life of balance for many years now. In life, this is beyond impossible, and it is my continued inability to accept that I am not in control that bursts my yoga bliss bubble, whether I am on the mat or out in the world trying to behave as a “good” yoga should. In a bubble, it is possible to control everything that happens. It is far less challenging to create a feeling of bliss in the absence of other beings. This is why the practice of yoga “off the mat” is just that: practice. This drives me absolutely batty, and I have to practice some extreme willpower to keep from sending texts to my husband, voicing my contempt for Belgium and all things transit related. I check my app every couple of seconds to see if I will make the transfer, only to watch the 94 pull up to the stop, pause to let people off an on, and carry on its way. On many occasions, I have stuck at the light just before the stop to switch from the 44 to the 94 trams. On the way there and back, I am generally a ball of nerves, wondering if I will make each transfer and then exploding in frustration if I miss it. This commute takes a mere 20 minutes by car but can last anywhere from 45 minutes to more than an hour and a half on transit.Īny bliss I experience from my yoga practice is often eclipsed by the challenges of the journey home (and my tendency to give in to frustration rather than simply enjoying/accepting the ride with grace and equanimity). If I am headed to the yoga studio where I took a teacher training last year, I have to take switch transit three different times to get there. The challenges of transit often burst a hole in my bliss bubble. Of course, the sensation that everything is beautiful in the world doesn’t always last long. I am so blissed out by the time I finish teaching that I often float home with a smile on my face. Plus, Europeans less uptight than Americans are about class starting at the designated time. Then I realize that I am rushing to get to a class where I am encouraging people to slow down. I grow particularly incensed by the behaviors of the other people on the bus. When I am rushing to get to a class I teach, I tend to grow irritated with just about everything and everyone. A great part of this stress comes from my lack of control over the transit I take to get there. I have personally experienced a complete shift in my own energy before and after I practice yoga.įor example, I am often fairly stressed out on my way to teach yoga or to participate in a workshop or training. While I tend to share the comment in a lighthearted manner, I believe that the meaning runs deep. I often tell my yoga students to take a moment to honor their choice to practice yoga because they are helping to make the world a better place. ![]()
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